Surprise!!!!

Is it possible to know someone for years and always appreciate how smart and sweet and nice she is and then suddenly one weekend of spending lots of time together and you are left sitting on an airplane thinking to yourself..... "I like like this girl"? She was always beautiful but somehow that word now holds a completely different meaning in my mind in reference to her (Oh and that red dress at dinner on Saturday, I'm so glad you waited for it to dry because you made it look amazing). She was her usual wonderful self all weekend, except I was losing my mind wanting to hold her hand when we went for a walk. I don't know what changed but something in my head did. Why does this happen? I can't do anything about this. She has never given me any reason to think that she may have similar feelings for me and I can't take the first step because if - and it's more than likely that it will - this goes wrong I am going to lose the friendship of my most favorite person and I really would rather not. I feel bad for having these feelings because I am proving right all those people who always say men and women can't be platonic friends. We have been friends for years and now all of a sudden this. She would be the one I would talk to about this but I can't. I want to scream and shake my head and make this go away but I can't. I wake up this morning to a stomach full of butterflies and a very strange feeling of almost being depressed. This after one of the most amazing weekends of my life. Stupid brain, why can't you leave well enough alone?

Normal

What is normal? Why do I feel like I am not normal? Why does it take so much effort for me to live up to "normal". This is becoming incredibly exhausting, it used to be so easy to get through the day being what I am supposed to be but it's getting more and more difficult and feels increasingly fake. I hate fake but what choice do I have if I want to be successful at this career lark. It's all I have. I wish I was normal.